Since When?

I started to give up my dream of being part of the advertising industry since I was unfortunately selected to be off the list to not pursue a career on it. Long since, my plans have changed. Wait. First of all, do I really have a plan? Honestly, I don't have an organized plan. But what I really am sure of is I want to be a part of the advertising industry. Neither do I plan to be a media planner/buyer nor any specific position from the industry itself. I've known the different sides of it the time I was applying for a job. Oh wait.. I've realized. Maybe I was just making myself believe that it's the path for me. Maybe my friends make me believe that I am for that path because of my photoshop skills, and I am just so gullible that I believed in them. Photoshop should not be my sole skill to get to that, to make my dream real. Fuckin' idiot. Any people is stupid to believe that. Without thinking, what should be the skills I should have to get in there. And so here I am, all fucked up. Because I was too late, so fuckin' stupid to think of that. Ha! And so now (for now) my career is messed up, ever since the day I started to find the job I want. Or should I say, ever since I took up my undergrad course.

"Since when?" So the title is asking. This blog should be about my regrets again. But boom. The things I've realized written in the paragraph prior to this did came up. "Since when?" is the question. My answer is from the time I lose my chance of being a part of the industry that I ever wanted of. After that shocking moment, I gave up and stopped to dream of something big, becoming excited everyday, and being challenged with the craft I really loved. I should have never blamed them for I myself is the problem. I am lacking, (And going back to what I've come to realize while writing this blog) and stupid. I've wasted my time in college that I did not prepare and make myself to be someone, to be a personal key for my dreams.

Since then. Actually, since after saying my realizations. I should stop thinking thoughts and questioning what I have. I should stop thinking oabout things with BUTS like this one: "Yes, I can say I'm happy with my job. I can say at least I can jive with my office mates. Almost all of them. But I'm still jealous with my former co-trainees in my last company." The reality is that I haven't moved on yet. I must face the facts. One, that I am lacking, I am stupid. That's my fault. Period. Nothing to do with that. Move on. And two, that I'm still young I can still do something with my dream or the other way around without holding off the skill/s that I have. FACE THE FACTS. USE THEM.