Alone

I'm like one piece of a whole pasta,
served to anyone's table.
I'm with other pieces of pasta,
with the same purpose of being eaten by big people.
But I still feel alone.

I'm afraid.
I usually feel alone.
But not like this.

I think alone that I'm alone.
But thinking I have friends around me.
I think alone that I'm not alone.

I escape.
I needed to feel alone.
But I know for sure that I can still go back.
To someone. To somewhere. Whichever it is I know for sure I'll feel I belong.


The time is running fast.
It run as if it is in a different universe now.
Today. In this path, I think I'm alone.
But I'm not thinking I'm not alone after thinking alone.
Definitely, I'm alone.

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Happy and Proud "Ate"

I'm so happy to spend my weekend with my family. Last Saturday, we went to Trinoma and SM North to buy a reviewer for my sibling and to find a laptop repair store in Cyberzone. We went to Timezone first and tried some games there. I know my sister really wants to play in Timezone; she does not really have the chance to enjoy these kind of stuff since our family is kind of strict in terms of spending time in arcades and do on. We played basketball, drums and guitar hero (Japanese version), and the thing where you throw balls against the screen to earn points and tickets. After an hour we supposed to go straight the Cyberzone; however, our poor tummies and drooling mouths want some DQ to keep us cool against the torrid temparature brought by the season. Just then, we finally went to Cyberzone and learned the saddest news ever. The files of my emachines notebook has a 100% chance to be permanently deleted. It's been taking a long time to absorb the idea, that even until now I can't accept it. Depression caused me to treat my sister in Bonchon that day. We also passed by Forever21, as requested by my sister. Lot of great fashion stuffs are there! Then we went to our #2 goal of buying a reviewer for mys sister's UPCAT. I'm so excited for her. I wish she'll pass the admission test. If I made it to UP, then she also can 'cause I believe she's better than me. :)My sister is definitely pressured. Yet, I hope that she thinks it's all for her. I admire her for being so passionate to pass the test. This picture would attest to that. :D

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Since When?

I started to give up my dream of being part of the advertising industry since I was unfortunately selected to be off the list to not pursue a career on it. Long since, my plans have changed. Wait. First of all, do I really have a plan? Honestly, I don't have an organized plan. But what I really am sure of is I want to be a part of the advertising industry. Neither do I plan to be a media planner/buyer nor any specific position from the industry itself. I've known the different sides of it the time I was applying for a job. Oh wait.. I've realized. Maybe I was just making myself believe that it's the path for me. Maybe my friends make me believe that I am for that path because of my photoshop skills, and I am just so gullible that I believed in them. Photoshop should not be my sole skill to get to that, to make my dream real. Fuckin' idiot. Any people is stupid to believe that. Without thinking, what should be the skills I should have to get in there. And so here I am, all fucked up. Because I was too late, so fuckin' stupid to think of that. Ha! And so now (for now) my career is messed up, ever since the day I started to find the job I want. Or should I say, ever since I took up my undergrad course.

"Since when?" So the title is asking. This blog should be about my regrets again. But boom. The things I've realized written in the paragraph prior to this did came up. "Since when?" is the question. My answer is from the time I lose my chance of being a part of the industry that I ever wanted of. After that shocking moment, I gave up and stopped to dream of something big, becoming excited everyday, and being challenged with the craft I really loved. I should have never blamed them for I myself is the problem. I am lacking, (And going back to what I've come to realize while writing this blog) and stupid. I've wasted my time in college that I did not prepare and make myself to be someone, to be a personal key for my dreams.

Since then. Actually, since after saying my realizations. I should stop thinking thoughts and questioning what I have. I should stop thinking oabout things with BUTS like this one: "Yes, I can say I'm happy with my job. I can say at least I can jive with my office mates. Almost all of them. But I'm still jealous with my former co-trainees in my last company." The reality is that I haven't moved on yet. I must face the facts. One, that I am lacking, I am stupid. That's my fault. Period. Nothing to do with that. Move on. And two, that I'm still young I can still do something with my dream or the other way around without holding off the skill/s that I have. FACE THE FACTS. USE THEM.

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