this. thanks. bye. hello 2014.

THIS. THIS ANSWERS IT ALL. T_T

"the worst part of liking somebody is the process where you discover that it’s turning into an unrequited love. it’s the deadly combination of hope, wishful thinking, and overthinking.

hope that maybe it’s possible for the two of us to be together. wishful thinking that you possibly have feelings for me as well. overthinking that an action of yours was meant to convey something
but this is where the delusion stops, or at least when i try to stop it. Seeing how the effort i put out isn’t the same as the effort you put in.

i try hard just to communicate to you in some form, no matter how busy i get. i have always been the one to move first. i have always been the one to ask how were you doing. i have always been the one to drop subtle and major hints. i have always been the one to try.

but you? your replies are confined with less than 10 words (while mine, a novel). your replies come dozens of minutes after i send a message (while mine are in seconds). you turn down my offers to go out together (which takes a lot of my courage). you don't initiate conversations or even try to (while i can’t even go a week without seeing/talking to you). you treat me in no different way than your other friends (although you have the tendency to be too sweet and caring, which just confuses me more).

i’m sorry, i guess, with your very friendly attitude, i didn’t quite catch the signals earlier.

it seems that in the end i am the only one who gets flustered by your replies (and get butterflies). i am the only one who gets ecstatically happy from your hugs (even if you normally give out hugs to everyone). i am the only one who misinterprets your intentions and actions (and misinterpret them, i do so dearly). i am the only one developing feelings. i am the only one falling in love.

the sad truth is that you probably never even have considered me that way - that i carry these feelings alone.

and the one to carry this pain
the one to suffer in secrecy
is me and me alone.

in the end, my fate will and had always been what i have expected it to be -

i am the only one in love."

HopelessCase 200X CS"

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WELL. WALA LANG LAHAT NG ITO.

Well. So kagagawa ko lang ng move on notes ko last Werdnesday. Why I should move on and stop on hoping. (I'll post my notes here soon) So 'yun nga nag drama ko. Tapos kahapon, kagabi. Oh my. Bakit lakas makatiming ng wrong timing. Pumunta silang dalawa dito, and parang hindi ako mapakali. Am I still hoping. Ayoko na magassume, pero di mawala sa isip ko na may something different talaga. :| Pero, ayun. Pero sige, iisipin ko na lang na close friends lang tayo. From nothing, acquaintance lang ganyan to close friends. Bakit kasi may hawak kang ganoon? Di tayo ganun eh. Pero sige, dahil lumipas na nga siguro yung acquaintance stage natin. Feeling close ka na. Pero pag ikaw humahawak bat may iba? HIndi, ako lang nagiisip noon. Wala kasi akong kaibigan na lalaki. Kaya, sige. Fine! At ito pa, bakit kasi ganyan ka ngumiti? Pag nagjojoke ako na ayoko kita kasama. Nung inaya mo ako na sumama ako next time. Bakit ganoon tingin mo? Huhu. Pero, hindi talaga. Hay, kung kailan matatapos na yung taon, hindi talaga pinalagpas ng pagkakataon na hindi kami magkita. :/ Deh, nagooverthink lang ako. Wala lang lahat ng ito. ;)  At ito pa, gusto niya na talagang umuwi kagabi kakatingin ng relo niya. Kaya, sige, gowra, fight. So again. Deh, nagooverthink lang ako. Wala lang lahat ng ito. ;)

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Anyare?

Antare? Haha. It's been sooo long since I've posted an entry here. Well, andaming nanyare. Hahaha. October, waley. November, emo-emohan. Layu-layo ang peg. at baliw-baliwan. siama na natin yun. Haha. Sabi ko hindi ako sasama sa mga ganap this december as part og pagtitipid sana. adn pagiging emo. But then, hindi ko din napigilan. Naawa naman ako sa sarili. at tingin ko yun ang kailangan to heal my insanity. Soul-searching na naman ang peg.. at who i am and whio i want to be na naman kasi ang drama ko.

So ayun, just last weekend, nag-gowra kami to watch L's concert. Di naman talaga part ang pagpunta sa Central. Akala ko hindi na tuloy, pero keri lang. Masaya naman. Feeling ko naging ok ako. Haha. At ito, nabwisit an naman ako sa sartili ko pala dahil kay R. Utang na loob gusto ko na ring amgmove on. Kayalangan ko nang ilet go ang maga masasayang memories at ang mga agnap na paras a kain ay may possibilities at hope. Pag naghohold ako, mukha langa kong aggo. Haha. So dapat keber na talaga. Move on na talaga. At utang na loob, nakakadiri lang isipin. Hindi ka niya amrerespeto, hindi ka niya appalahagahan. Mamaliitin ka lang niya. :0 Kaya, NO. Fleeting lang lahat ng kasiyahan na naramdaman ko, at panghighschool lang talaga ang peg kaya mas nakakaiirita! Hahaha. Kaya, shet, mairita nka an alng my dear self ahnggang sa may dumating na talagang tinakda ni lord god.

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