Just a Friend

This thought is always a question, or probably a fact: I AM THE FUNNY FRIEND. Just a friend. Yeah, oh yeah. What's wrong with being a friend?! Good thing I've got some friends whom I consider as true. But it's depressing that they just view me as a friend. I know for myself that I'm not a love-at-first-sight-girl material on the grounds that I'm a snob, serious looking, panicky girl at first. Also, I'm a choosy kind of person to begin with. The times I started to become friends with guys,  I know for sure that i'm just like a  sister to them, a person you can be with to avoid off airs. Having said that, it comes to my mind that I'll never be going to have that special guy in my life. Probably, I could be a home wrecker or a cougar (which I don't ever want to be) because I'm so desperate due to extreme emptiness of feeling how to love and be loved. I am assuming and hoping that maybe the one whom I''m going to be with is a long time friend who knows me well inside out. It's impossible for that person to be a guy whom just for the first meeting his sincerely going to eye me for a courtship spectacle. NAAAAA! IMPOSIBLE! 


I hope there's this someone destined for me. I don't want to be alone. And in reality, who wanted to be? I have thought before that it's fine not to have someone in your life. At least, you don't have additional problems to think of.... But it's really heartbreaking to be alone. It's fine for a day, 1 week or so. But there'll come  a point that you'll be seeking for something that is lacking, and that is happiness. You'll never find happiness by yourself. I believe, it's always a 2 or more person thing... I'm still waiting.....

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Thought Bubble(s)

Nothing new! I just realized that I need to make the fullest out of my weekends so (1) I can write/blog about something (2) to enjoy and treat myself despite the 9 hours x 5 days of Ctrl+C-ing,  Ctrl+V-ing,  Ctrl+Z-ing,  Enter-ing,  and clicking the mouse! Whattalife! Full of fun and excitement, right? Good thing is that I don't get stressed except for the volume of requests from French and Italian PMs. Bad thing is that I don't have the time to exercise my creativity; and, I don't even have the to think on how to exercise the left brain of mine. Ok, I'm assuming here  that I have the gift. :P We all have the gift?! lol

ME?! NAAAT! :P

****

I honestly think that it's cool to have friends who have cool bfs. You know what I mean? Maybe, you'll get this if you're taking advantage being practical. Take the cases where you and your friends want to have a road trip, a vacay somewhere else, a food trip at someplace, so on and so forth. Though his not your friend, he'll give his arms wide open and share his blessings being a bf of your friend. Doing those deeds wholeheartedly, as a way of pakikisama makes me happy. I just love the thought. :P

***
Thinking that I want to enjoy my weekends utmost, roadblocks suddenly entered my brain.


My parents might or most probably would think that I don't have use in this family.
My parents would think that I spend too much. (Can't I enjoy?)
My parents would  think MORE that I don't have obligations in the house and with that I should have saved more money!
My parents would think and prove that I am selfish, which is certainly not! Huhers. :(


I don't want these things to be up against me at the end. Whattodoo? Whattodoo? Whattodoo?

Having said those, just last night my mom told me that I'll be responsible for the allowance of my younger sibling. In my mind, 1000x4=4000 a month... **000-4000=*000!!!! Ok, it's not that I'm against to it. However, thinking practically, I could say that it matters and it's a big thing.

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Meanwhile

In other news, this climb gave me a little kilig which I think is against the ethics of love. (Meganon?! Hahahaha) Infairness, the b of T's friend is a bf material. I really like his qualities as a B. He makes sure that he goes along well with the people in the group. No awkward moments. He's caring, gentleman, generous and funny. He has a good sense of humor which is really hard to find among guys. No arte and hangin at all.Yes, he has for a typical guy; But not beyond a hangin that is irritating. I hope I''ll find someone like him. I think his my bet for myself personality and physically wise.

Marupok me strikes again!

• Yes, I had kilig the moment he held my hand while climbing nearing to reach the peak of Pico. Normal lang 'yun diba? (Tugsh!)
• Yes, I had kilig the time he commented in FB that he misses me. (Shit! For real?! Bakit naman kasi diba? For what reason would it be?!!!!!! Tell me, please?!)

Kill me please.

Fate, where are you?! It would be better if you give me a guy which is meant to be for me until i die. Ok na ang tulad niya! :):):)

Oh well, I can still wait . Be positive. God is good.

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Conquering Mt. Pico de Loro

Yesterday, we climbed Mt. Pico de Loro; and it was totally epic! It's my first climb in my life and it made me look forward to have more climbs soon! I was with T's siblings and college friends. Never thought that it would be an intense trekking! I thought it's gonna be an unending walking and wandering in the mountain.

The erected rocks in the picture above is called the Parrot's Beak. It's the view after climbing another steep formation of rocks from where mountaineers land and build their tents. We never thought that we'll be going to reach another peak. I personally did not imagine that I'll be able to climb this one. One of my co-trekkers was able to go up this amazing piece of rock. He said that it's easy to go up; however, it's really dangerous and needs a lot of focus and carefulness to go down. Kuddos!

Here are my buddies going up to Mt. Pico de Loro. It was definitely a fun, intense and worthy climb! Never imagined it would be like that. Thanks for the C moments and all the fun moments. :) More climb along with these people!!

We also met Miss Rona whom without her, we would really not be able to reach the top! :) She was our motivation! She's really amazing 'cause she reached Parrot's Beak and was able to do stunts (well for us, it is) at the top of it!Jump shot from one of the cliffs in PB! Really?!

 F-I-E-R-C-E

With D on the top of PB

Off DENR Mt. Palay-Palay with our new friend Miss Rona! :)

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Not at this point

During dinner, this new guy entered the group, and his out of the blue lines are like those "trying" to make him belong to our topic. He's a bit irritating, you know. Yes, he knows things. But the way he speaks is like he is bragging. (AIR,C'MON!) I hate the way he laughs, and the way he looks to people. He got too much confidence about his good looks. Maybe he doesn't like me too. But this is all my opinion about him. I just don't feel to converse if his presence is there. Another disappointment from UPA. It gives me a reason not to join even the hour breaks from work. Workaholic? Naaaah.

\\\

On the other side, I just read the text message from R that he won't be able to join us (T) to Mt. Pico de Loro. This is quite disappointing. It would be happier if R is present. However, I'm still hoping to be successful in seeking for FUN. Please make this trip safe and successful. I need this. Please don't disappoint me. Not at this point.

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I was... to being

This is the notice of my life before. Or maybe, up until today....

And this is what I should have been keeping in my mind ever since I thought happiness left me.

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Take 10/xx "Teleserye ng Buhay ko"

Drama Queene is yet here. As I walked way out from UPA, negative things kept running in my head. Maybe I was just disappointed with what I came upon coming back to where I was supposed to be. I thought i'll be going to have my happiness back, at least from my team mates at work. But still, there's something lacking thereof.

I got home. And my sister asked, "Anong nangyare?" I replied back, "Ganun pa rin. Hindi masaya." And then my tears started to fall from my eyes. I really tried to stop it; but probably, it's too much of loneliness, of emptiness in my heart, that my eyes can't really hide what I really feel. My mom is there. And my sister told my mom all the things that I told her last Wednesday. It is in a way that never have made me felt angry. Because she's telling it to my mom while laughing. However, my tears doesn't want to be held back. My tears were falling while laughing about the way my sister was telling my dramas to mom. It's funny because she was telling it via text. She gave the phone with a drafted text to mom after typing it in.

With the television on, my sister randomly switched the channel to MYX. At that moment, Ebe Dancel's song was being played. The rhythm and the first line of the song really made me even more sad. I felt the song. It's as if God played it to give me a message. Definitely, it's more than to cheer me up. As my mom said, "Kaya ko naman makuha yung gusto ko. Fighter ka."




Here goes the song:

Wag Kang Mag-alala Lyrics

Kung sila’y biglang kumanan at daan mo’y kaliwa
‘Wag, ‘wag kang mag-alala
Kung gabi mo ay umaga’t baligtad ang kanila
‘Wag, ‘wag kang mag-alala

Kanya kanyang trip at panaginip
Kanya kanyang mga daang nais sundan

Kailangang manalig sa bawat
Sigaw at bulong ng iyong puso
Sumayaw sa sarili mong awit
Umindak at ‘wag pasindak
Kung ‘di ka katulad ng iba
‘Wag kang mag-alala

Kung kumakatok ang duda’t
Tumatawag ang kaba
‘Wag, ‘wag kang mag-alala
‘Wag masyadong magpadala
Sa sinasabi ng iba
Wag, wag kang mag-alala

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Yesterday, I deposited a check in my bank account. I know it's not a big amount, but where can you get a thousand pesos today?

This check was a fruit of my labor. I'm happy because it's what I really want to do. It's stressful, though. But I love the moment when you want to crack up your mind to give out a layout design, a concept for a certain project that would make a mark. But I don't want this to be a routine, a daily job. Probably, I'll just take it as a sideline; I don't want to be so stressed out, crying over that because i can't think of a creative, out-of-the-box ideas. I know, my skills are not molded into what should it be. But what can I do. Maybe, this is what is better for me; Having a laid-back work with a little talent, gift on the side. God knows better than the rest. :)

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When the rain started to pour, my eyes started to cry

So I'm back! It's been a while since I wrote a post. Busy? Not quite. But I better be because otherwise, it would just made me think of bad things about myself and around. This week has been a tough one for me, emotionally. I don't know but I should have been happy as this is the last week of my suffering in Eastwood, specifically in which I was with one team mate which is so vaguely irritating, insensitive, child-like, curseful (if that word exists, I know it's not. hahaha), and whatnot. Whatnot, I mean, just give a word that describes the feeling where you want to cry because his the one you don't want to be with as a partner at work. And, it's so unbelievable for me to manage that in one month and two weeks. Haha. Last Wednesday at work, I can't help but cry thinking about my situation and thinking about wrong things after reading blogs of my college friends/acquaintance. Maybe, you're asking why I had managed to make drama while at work. I had done so since there's just a little volume of work that day. I just had felt that I'm alone, unhappy, and empty. The happy-me had gone. Thoughts all came that time, making me feel helpless and uncontented. Thoughts that I have been ranting about since day one in this blog. I forgot that I already took actions on that by thinking positive things about why I'm here and why I should be here now. It's like all negative chakras in the world entered my physical body and soul. Helpless and alone, I chatted one of my idol and told her all my emotional baggages that time. I was not able to control my emotions that I ran off to the comfort room and burst. I cried. A lot.

After that, I was a little ok. And I continued my drama moments at the house. Thanks to my little sister. She listened, though she was not that serious about my drama. But I know, she's learning some lessons from me. I'm always saying to her that she should now know what she wants to be, so it would not be too late to reach for the stars. Also it would not be difficult for her to start after college. No regrets. Or should I say, less regrets.

Today, I went back to the positive thoughts I made to help myself. Like other people say, it's ourselves, our own thoughts that make us feel what we feel. So maybe I should make my thoughts the other way around. I should start it with myself. Thinking of things that would make feel happier and contented. The problem with us humans, that we always see what we don't have rather than what we have. Same as to being insecure that makes us being depress. We became insecure because we always compare. And in comparing, we always see the highlights of other people and our own lowlights.

Last Wednesday, the rain started to pour. (ooh, wet season here you are! ) And my eyes started to cry. But I know just like any weather, after the rain there's a rainbow and the sun will come to shine. I will shine.

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