Panaginip ka na lang ba

Napanaganipin na naman kita. Tayo na daw. Grabe yung feeling. Parang totoo. Sa panaginip ko, iniisip ko totoo at sana nga hindi yun panaganip. Kasi ang saya. Pero nagggisng ako, panaginip lang lahat.

Hindi na gusto ng utak ko. Bumigay na ako. Sabi nga sa kanta, "Set me free, Let me be, I don;t wanna fall into the moment of your gravity.." Pero hindi, bumabalik pa din ako sayo. Sayo, wala nang iba. Nakakaisip na ako ng mga dahilan kung bakit hindi, right love, wrong time o di kaya'y clash of personamlity pero sa puso ko meant to be padin tayo. Ikaw ang gusto ko. Gusto pa din kita.

Sinabi mo sa panaginip ko na nagpunta ka pa sa simbahan sa Paranaque para sa siang patron para ipagdasal, naconfirm mo na hindi ka bading, that you're straight as hell. At natawa ka pa sa tumawag sayo na bakla ka. Kasama mo daw yung mga kaibigan mo. Si ranier ang pinakatumatak sa akin, But his not familiar at any levels, at any sense.

Sana totoo. Sana confused ka lang. Sana gusto mo din ako. Sana mangyari yung pasimpleng hawak ng mga kamy natin. Yung paguusap natin na ikaw yung nangunguna. Sa fb, gusto ko din daw tanungin kung totoo ba yung nangyare, kung tayo na ba. Pero hindi ko na rin natanong.

Bakit? Bakit ganun? Ang sarap pero imposible. Hanggang panaganip na lang ba ito?

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Rejection 2

This is my second time to be rejected. But I consider this as less hurting than my first rejection before. I prayed a lot that God lead me to a career path where I can show my full potentials, a path that would lead me to be successful and happy. (Which is also not clear to me as I really don't know how to measure success in one's career; one thought to be pondered upon) So, that's what I am praying for. And here, God gave an opportunity last month to be noticed and to be interviewed by McK***** & C******. Without having any knowledge about the company, but upon researching I learned that it's one of the best. And so, I accepted the invitaion and got interviewed six time by people from different levels. Got amazed by one of the interviewers, Ber****, whom by chance is a highschool mate from an upper batch. She's really good. Really, really good. I prayed a lot that God would help me change company and that I'll be accepted. And today, I got the news. I did not made it.

You know. This is kinda weird because a I just felt a slight disappointment with myself. I did my job, but yeah my best wasn't good enough. But I believe God has purpose why this happened. I never asked for it and He gave it to me. I never made it but I learned my lessons. I am always praying that God would help me bring me to the right path, but I myself never do my job. I pray and just let time pass without doing anything to improve on myself. After the interview, I learned that I should know how to prioritize things, and how to manage my time. And yes, I want challenges and I want to be good. But I'm always afraid to deal with difficult situations. I avoid them when they are in front of me. I must learn how to deal with them with composure. When it's my fault and my manager checks on me why I wasn't able to meet it, why I got escalated, I get angry and put the blame on her even it was my fault. Theses are some of the things I realized.  I am looking for a better opportunity but i never learn on how to improve my own self. I never get matured. I can't complain forever. I got escalated but I still handle things without concern. I should treat them as my own. It is for myself, not solely for the company. I should avoid to commit my mistake as previous mistakes are lessons. They are done and already in the past so they shall never happen again.

How am I as  a team player?
How do you deal with a difficult person in the team? Personal? Professional?
What really are my long-term goals?
How do I see myself 5 years from now?
How do I deal with difficult situations?
How will my manager describe me/

^^Questions that I don;t know to answer because I don't care. This looks like I am really lacking. I must set my goals.

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